Please Accept My Sincere Apology

27 Jun

Dear Sonja,

I just wanted to write a letter and let you know how important you are to me. You have been there by my side all these years and I am ashamed to say that I have never showed you my full appreciation.

Sonja, you helped me learn things about myself, my body, and my pleasure that no sex education class, romance novel, porn film, or lover could ever teach me. Thank you, baby.

You have always been the prominent player of the goodie drawer, but I promise that you will no longer have to share that space. I’m gonna make you your own goodie throne..Yes, gurrrl– you’re that special to me.

Through the good, the bad and the-oh so very awkward of sexual encounters, you were there. I’ll admit, there were times when your mere presence would intimidate past lovers. Their insecurities about the committed relationship between you and my clit would start negatively affecting my relationship with them. Back then, I didn’t have the courage to explain to them that you were a part of the full package. I didn’t have the courage to tell them that they could leave. I was forced to downplay the significance of your touch, your speed, and your rhythm. I was forced to deny that you were always the missing ingredient. Sometimes, I just gave up and stopped reaching for you during those moments of almost climaxing. Sadly, (for both of us), I neglected you, and you…you just patiently waited for me. You didn’t even judge me when you heard all those fake moans of “ecstasy.” You just waited for them to leave and then got back in that game.

Sonja, I apologize for all of my neglect. The only thing you ever ask me for are new batteries, and baby, from now on I promise to buy the family size packs so that we never run out. ‘Cause girl, you sure do know how to show your appreciation.

Thank you for being my ride or die chick…but, most importantly, thank you for letting me ride.

Sincerely,
Crunkista

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14 Responses to “Please Accept My Sincere Apology”

  1. damidwif June 27, 2011 at 8:25 AM #

    o. m. f. g.
    when i read the title and the first few lines, i thought u were talking about your female friend/lover. lmao.

  2. Medusa June 27, 2011 at 10:43 AM #

    This is awesome.

    I’m glad you and Sonja have rekindled all your relationship. All those men who came between you were selfish and didn’t really care about your needs, if they were intimidated instead of excited to incorporate into your shared time in the bedroom the things that you need to help climax didn’t deserve either of you.

    I actually bought a silver bullet myself, but it never did the trick…I’m way better off with just my two fingers. Maybe I just didn’t know how to use it…

  3. Faye June 28, 2011 at 6:10 AM #

    This is amazing. You have encouraged me to rekindle my relationship with my toy:) And I think I shall name her too, thank you!

    @Medusa
    I don’t believe it was indicated that (all/or any) her lovers were men. To keep this a positive space, I think we should stop assuming relationships to be heterosexual :)

    • Medusa June 28, 2011 at 10:29 AM #

      Faye, note taken. What a gross display of my hetero privilege. I apologize.

  4. omi June 28, 2011 at 8:50 AM #

    *howling* ….too funny. this is great. :-)

    • TaKeshia Brooks/Inda Lauryn June 28, 2011 at 10:08 AM #

      glad to see I wasn’t the only one who got a chuckle out of this. I actually thought it was to a girlfriend and had prepared myself for a different conversation. when I found out who Sonja was, I had to take a pause… then laughed.

  5. Devyn June 28, 2011 at 8:55 AM #

    I made a similar commitment to my purple, battery-powered vibrator. Things have been good between us, except when ze runs out of batteries, and I get self-conscious about just buying a big pack at my CVS because I assume that someone will figure out what they’re “for.” But this letter inspired me to treat hir better and work on my own internalized sex-negativity.

  6. s mandisa June 29, 2011 at 10:08 AM #

    This is amazing.

    Like, really great. So much of what I was taught, and alot of women around me, especially black girls like me, was that 1) sex=hetero-sex 2)sexual satisfaction is one-dimensional and not centered around the female body 3) masturbation/solo-sex is for people not “getting any” and is an affront to your man’s masculinity 4) toys are for “freaks” and no one wants to marry/settle down with a freak.

    So, whats amazing about this article is its centered around your pleasure and what a multi-dimensional sexual experience can look like.

    What really makes me sad is the lack of comments on this post. When we are talking about Kreayshawn, Rihanna, Shane Lee, there were easily 100+ quotes, but now we are talking about the multidimensionality of female sexuality I have noticed there arent as many. I know this post is fairly new, but still I wonder. Any thoughts?

    • DV July 12, 2011 at 12:22 PM #

      Hi! I’ve actually written a post on my blog in regards your comment. Please check it out and let me know what you think.

  7. Angelika June 30, 2011 at 5:58 PM #

    yes . yes . yes .

    (until rechargeable toys are affordable & what i want, i have made sure to have a drawer full of batteries-supply of the necessary sizes for my toys)

  8. Andrea June 30, 2011 at 6:29 PM #

    All Hail Sonja!!!!!!!!!

  9. Angelika June 30, 2011 at 8:16 PM #

    p.s. is there a problem naming “our toys” ?
    i have luvnames/nicks for my car, my … and since you call her Sonja may i call may fave “Black Beauty” (“vibrolust power bullet breeze 15 cm, black, waterproof, cordless”; sorry, couldn’t find a gugle-image)

  10. Nicole July 12, 2011 at 1:33 PM #

    I bought my first Vibrator down in the Village when I was nineteen. I’ve always kept a vibrator in my life. Most of the time I’m way too tired to use mine when I get home from work! I agree with s mandisa about black women and vibrators. The freak theory is something I’ve heard as well. Vibrators and masturbation taught me so much about my body.

    Good Vibrations Ladies!

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  1. Masturbation « The Deviant Virgin - July 12, 2011

    [...] there an adorable post written by one of the women as an apology/love letter to her vibrator (“Please Accept My Sincere Apology”). The post itself is great, but what really got me thinking was thinking was a comment left by one [...]

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