There is only love…

1 Jan

2011 was a very good year. Last year, I had the utmost pleasure of spending time and falling in love with a wonderful woman. She is one of the most kindest individuals I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Her smile has the power to light up my heart. Her voice soothes away all sadness. Her touch…[give me a minute]…her touch is just ever so gentle. If I had to describe the relationship in one word, it would be magic. Yes, magic.

What? You thought crunk feminists couldn’t get down like that? Well, think again. Our hearts come in a variety of sizes.

The romantic relationship ended. Why, you ask? Lets just say that life became too complicated. Strangely enough, amidst all of the chaos, she gave me peace of mind like I had never experienced before. When it was just she and I, time simultaneously stood completely still and ran away from us. Like, magic.

Instead of feeling the usual “why me?” after a romantic relationship ends, [warning this will sound weird], I keep growing from this experience. Oddly enough, the fact that I was able to love that deeply, let someone break down each and every one of my walls, and trust that for the first time in my life I had met my match–someone who could take care of me the same way I could take care of them–actually gave me incredible hope. The realization that I had the capacity to experience a love like that actually leads me to believe that if I found it once, I will find it again. Loving her taught me that although I had said the words “I love you” plenty of times before, they were just empty promises of feelings I was sincerely hoping one day to have. Now that I know what actual love is, I refuse to settle for anything less than the pure bliss I felt by her side. Something tells me that now that I have this knowledge, it can only get better.

I have never been the kind of woman that remained friends with an ex. In fact, I felt very fortunate to move to a different city after two major breakups. Additionally, I never had to deal with any “lets try and be friends” nonsense till Facebook came along and ruined everything. With her though, things are just different. I have so much appreciation for her as a person that even after we ended, I just could not find a reason to resent her.  There is only love.

I can’t do anything but carry her with me like I carry my most cherished family and friends. She will always be a part of my inner circle and I honestly cannot picture my life without her friendship. Most importantly, I know that although this lifetime was not meant for our love, she will find me in the next.

For now though, watch out world: I have all this love to give and I am finally ready to give it.

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12 Responses to “There is only love…”

  1. MadGastronomer January 2, 2012 at 2:02 AM #

    Awww.

  2. M.Makeda January 2, 2012 at 5:36 AM #

    yea! what a wonderful way to start my day! thanks for this post. just three months ago i ended a romantic relationship i was in for eight months. it wasn’t love. i have experienced the love you talk about if only for brief periods of time. it’s a gift to know one’s own capacity to love and receive love. it makes so much sense to move on with that knowledge in search for the next love than to dwell on a failed relationship.

  3. Anna Renee January 2, 2012 at 10:22 AM #

    This is beautiful!
    I admit that I didnt think the Crunk Sisters got down like that (or would admit it lol) but women, we HAVE to admit that love is at the center of our hearts. I dont care if we straight, bi, tri or omni (as Luvvie puts it) love is the center of our lives.

    I would say this: Love has to be free. You dont love someone because they make you feel good, because that’s out of order and is the reason for the pain when breaking up. You chose to love a person for who they are at their core. Because you love yourself, you have the capacity to love others.

    We all are human, and do wrong daily. So if the one you love does the wrong thing (in your estimation) then you dont have to stop loving them. You dont have to be broken because of what they did. You can continue to love and forgive them for the wrong they did.

    Women must stop internalizing the fairy tale that prince/princess charming will come to sweep us off our feet and love us first, before we learn to love ourselves. If we learn to love ourselves first, as woc in America, then we will have all the love we need! God teaches us how to do this.

    Once you love yourself in total, you’ll attract the right love without even trying. You’ll be in an empowered position to pick and choose, because you’re not desparate for love. You already ARE in love with you, (not in an egostistical way) and because you already love you, all the rest is just icing on your love cake!

    Love & Peace, young crunksters!

  4. m o o n marked January 2, 2012 at 10:33 AM #

    abundance. imagining that there is enough—more than enough—love in the world, love for us to give and to share and to receive, that allows us to love in the present tense and open our spirit and soul to what is truly possible. I think that in these moments (minutes, hours, days. years, lifetimes) we know that we are not desperate, that we refuse to believe that we can make do, that what we see in the other can or should be overlooked in order to feel alright about holding on when we are not being fulfilled. when we love in the present tense, we have profound moments of clarity that allows our love to enhance, not entangle.

    it is in these moments of brilliance of deep love that our shadows are broken and the dense energy transformed into the light. a light that shines the way for ourselves and all who we touch.

    imagine abundance.

    it must be more than imagining, though, because that can be an empty exercise of fantasy; a deep faith grounded in actions that build from our past into our future is what is needed.

    such a wonderful thing to be loved, no? thank you, crunkista, for sharing the love and moving us all forward with that gift. a wonderful bit of light to guide me and expand my capacity for love today (and for many days to come)!

  5. Amanda January 2, 2012 at 2:16 PM #

    YESSSS.

    • eeshap January 2, 2012 at 4:25 PM #

      Beautiful post, Crunkista. On we go! <3

  6. natasiarose January 2, 2012 at 7:22 PM #

    Thats awesome! I’m friends with most of my exes…except the ones that want to punch me in the face. But that’s only like two at this point. I hope someday they come around. :)

  7. crunkonia January 3, 2012 at 9:20 AM #

    Thank you so much Crunkista!!! This is incredibly inspiring. Beautiful. I want to feel this one day.

  8. Nga January 4, 2012 at 7:26 PM #

    what a beautiful post!

  9. itzadundeal January 6, 2012 at 12:25 AM #

    “I never had to deal with any “lets try and be friends” nonsense till Facebook came along and ruined everything.” AMEN- thanx for starting out 2012 on a right foot CFC Diva[s]! Upwards n onwards we go! HAPPY 2012!

  10. Tracey Hutson January 6, 2012 at 10:26 PM #

    Wow! We should all be so lucky. Blessings to you n 2012.

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  1. Took a test today, no studying required… « The Kreen of the Crop - January 2, 2012

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