Okay, so now that I have shared with you the trials and tribulations of coming out to my mother, the difficulty of working in an often homophobic academic environment and revealed my most un-feminist moments, I feel like we’re friends now. I mean, you sure do know a lot about me. Some things you may not know about me: writing terrifies me, I’m so private that Facebook freaks me out on a daily basis, and I’m actually quite shy. But now that we are friends, and I have invited you into my life, I feel like I can share some more.
So…Crunkista has had her heart broken, torn straight out of her chest, and trampled on by many a woman. Each time it happens, I dramatically ask myself “WHY ME? WHYYYYYYYY?” Is it me? Am I asking for too much? Is compassion, loyalty, kindness, maturity, love, respect, feminist/progressive ideals, and friendship too much to expect from another person? The most important question: why do I keep dating different manifestations of the same woman?
So, as I ponder on my fate as a brokenhearted feminist, and after yet another trifling disappointment, I am forced to bring back and share with you my foolproof “How to get over my ex checklist”:
To Do List
• Cry. A lot.
• Listen to Jill Scott’s live rendition of “Love Rain.” On repeat. Why? Because, “You broke me, but I’m healing.”
• Become extra diligent at work. It keeps your mind busy and will only make your boss appreciate you more.
• Call on your girls. Like true friends they will always tell you that “she was indeed a fool, that you are pretty damn-near perfect, and that it was undoubtedly her loss.”
• Get yourself a therapist. S/he definitely won’t tell you that you are perfect and may help you sort out through a lot of issues. Objectively.
• Don’t call your mother. She will only tell you that this would have never happened, had you dated a man. Don’t call her. **Disclaimer: many mothers are feminist/supportive but when it comes to my sexuality, mine just isn’t there yet. Hopefully, one day she will be.**
• Spend ridiculous amounts of time at the gym. Endorphins are like crack. Whether you are working up a sweat or watching other people work up a sweat, it will at least get you out of the house. More importantly, moderate physical activity is good for your mind, body and spirit.
• Stop checking her Facebook page. Seriously. Stop. In fact, delete her from your Facebook friends. Delete all of her friends too. Within the very small queer community this can get complicated and sometimes may result in severe loneliness. But, trust me. Updates of pictures of your ex with a new girl (less than a week after the break up) may send you into uncontrollable fits of rage, despair, and unhealthy criminal fantasies. You do not want to be the next woman featured on Snapped.
• Watch out for the inevitable and unfortunate rebound situation. You may not be in the right emotional space to really accept another person. This is sometimes damn near impossible to do because that black hole in your heart needs some serious distraction. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
• Reread your favorite books. Alchemist here we go again.
• Do something you have always wanted to do but for whatever reason didn’t. In my case, taking salsa classes has been my saving grace. I have a new found family of left-footed misfits who make me laugh at least twice a week.
• Cry some more. Sometimes you won’t even know why but you just have to.
Lately, and like I said after “yet another depressing disappointment,” my “fool proof” list isn’t enough and I need to do something truly feminist. I need to ask for help. I need to call on my sisters because I need some real feminist answers. So I ask you, friend, how do you mend a broken feminist heart?