The Contract

11 Nov

Once upon a time when Crunkista was a graduate student, she was heavily addicted to procrastination. It was her drug of choice. She made friends with another queer woman of color in graduate school who shared in her unhealthy habit and their marathon nights of not getting any actual work done are the things comic strips are made of. On one of those particular nights, we were talking about how hard it was to be single, queer, and broke graduate students. (Side note, we were both very gay but never EVER dated. Everyone thought we dated because we were inseparable but ewwwwww she’s like my sister). I digress, so we are sitting in the library at 3am, (you know so that we can focus on our work) and we come up with a brilliant idea. What do you do when you are too busy and stressed out to actually search for/have a relationship; there really aren’t any viable candidates to date; you are feeling lonely, or you are just a sad little graduate student in need of some tender loving care? You find somebody to spoon with. I know it may sound ridiculous [Before you even go there–we never ever spooned]. We did, however, come up with a fool-proof contract so that others could use this brilliant idea of ours. After much laughter and brilliant hours of drafting it, I am sad to say that somehow we lost the contract. There are some things I remember though, so I’ll share it with you just in case you are a lonely graduate student or just plain lonely.


Section I

I _____________ and _____________ are spooning partners and we:

1. Share the same sad situation: queer, broke, lonely students who could really benefit from occasional nights of spooning.

2. Have a close, personal relationship and genuinely care about each other’s feelings.

3. Agree that we are not trying to date; secretly pursue a one-night stand, short-term or long-term relationship.

4. Are jointly responsible for providing a safe spooning environment which includes clean linens and, when possible, breakfast in the morning.

Section II

We understand that this affidavit shall be terminated upon any parties’ commitment to another person or by change of circumstance attested to this affidavit.

Section III

After such termination, we understand that another affidavit of Spooning cannot be filed until 3 weeks after break-up of aforementioned commitment occurs.

Section IV

We understand that this information will be held confidential. NO Facebook, MySpace, or Twitter updates on spooning partner’s information or status are allowed.

Section V

1. Before spooning event, the roles of spooner and spoonee will be chosen.

  • a. These roles can always be reversed when both parties agree to those terms.

2. Spooning sessions are meant to provide comfort and warmth.

  • a. Both parties agree to save the drama for their mama.


___________________________________ Date __________

___________________________________ Date __________

7 Responses to “The Contract”

  1. MB November 11, 2010 at 2:12 PM #

    love this!

  2. Sheri November 11, 2010 at 4:11 PM #

    Nice. As a former union representative I love contracts, especially living contracts that make sense for real needs. When I was in grad school I was pissed that touching was so wrapped up in sexual intimacy and that my longing to be touched in a loving way started to get confused with wanting to a partner. Thankfully I was in a Women’s Studies department and was able to recall language that would allow me to explain what I was missing before I got caught up in a relationship with somebody I really did not want to be around. Touching and closeness are important and being able to ask for and organize for what you really need is powerful.

    Thanks for this post, crunkSista.

  3. omi November 12, 2010 at 4:12 PM #

    this is awesome. that is all. 🙂

  4. Co-founder of the spooning contract November 14, 2010 at 6:58 AM #

    I LOVE THAT YOU POSTED THIS! I enjoyed reading through it and laughing out loud while old memories came alive. I can’t even remember what we were working on at the time, but I remember how special it was to have someone who I love and care about to share in the misery of computer labs and library stacks at 3 am. You’re the best, mama. I adore you.

    Next step: Copyright The Contract.

  5. [dave] November 14, 2010 at 6:48 PM #


    • Berneta November 14, 2010 at 9:50 PM #

      Lol. I love it! I can definitely identify with the situation you and your friend experienced. Procrastinating as I type. 😀


  1. Links of Great Interest: ..ARSENIC LIFE.. : The Hathor Legacy - December 28, 2010

    […] The low down on cuddle parties. SNUGGLE HARD. SPOON WITH DIGNITY. […]

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