Leave Kim Alone!

7 Nov

I upgraded my cable package a few years ago and have been keeping up with the Kardashians for a few seasons now. I’m not sure what happened the first few years, but thanks to E! marathons I am certain that I’m up to speed. I have no problems admitting that I’m a fan of the show. It only comes second to my beloved Kimora: Life in the Fab Lane. I thoroughly enjoy watching both shows for very similar reasons:

1)   I enjoy celebrating women’s stories.

2)   They represent different models of quirky and loving families.

3)   The women are ambitious, business savvy, and, most importantly, they run the show.

Before people start discrediting the shows and highlighting all of their flaws, let me be clear: I understand that the shows are not perfect, they perpetuate consumerist culture, and often times promote very questionable priorities. At the end of the day, however, they provide me with a much-needed escape from my reality.

I keep missing the first part of Kim’s Fairytale Wedding but I was able to see Part II a few days after it aired. Yes, it is ridiculous to spend an estimated 10 million dollars on a wedding reception when billions of people around the world are hungry. Yes, it is outrageous to sport an allegedly two million dollar engagement ring when governments around the world are crumbling. Indeed, thousands of people are sleeping in tents protesting the greed that has always dominated our governments and corporate America. It is painfully clear that Kim’s reality is just not reality. Period. However, Kim is not the first to continue living life in lala land. She will also not be the last.

I watched Part II of Kim’s Fairytale Wedding and being the hopeless romantic that I am, cried when they (I mean, the bishop) exchanged their vows. I thought they would last at least a year. Just like anyone else who follows the show, I saw all of the red flags. As cute as they were together, it was painfully clear that they were not compatible. Most troubling is how often he would try to crush her spirit pointing out her flaws, reminding her, for example, that no one would care about her in a few years. I often found myself wondering, “has he met this woman?” She is clearly in the business of being in the spotlight. It’s her shit. Ours too, since we keep tuning in for more: watching marathon episodes, reading the tabloids, and clicking on all internet articles regarding the latest Kardashian controversy.

We all knew the marriage would end. I had countless conversations with my girlfriends about it. I was, however, surprised that it ended so abruptly. More shocking, though, are the strong reactions to the news. People are just being mean, as if they’re the ones that got dumped. They’re lashing out at her from every angle and I honestly think it’s just unnecessary. The woman got caught up. She bought into the ideas that we have been spoon fed for years: there is nothing worse than being a single woman in your thirties, marriage equals “happily ever after,” and when you finally get to plan a wedding – lose your damn mind because it is YOUR day and you DESERVE to be a princess.

As sad as all of this is, Kim has reminded us of a few things we keep forgetting:

1)   Sometimes love is not enough

2)   Marriage does not equal happily ever after

3)   Expensive weddings do not equal happily ever after

4)   It is never healthy to have too many people in your business

5)   “Mo’ money, mo’ problems

I hope that this motivates folks to reevaluate all of the unhealthy messages forced on us about relationships, love and happiness. Quite frankly, I’m tired of how mean people are being and all of the things they are accusing her of. She is, at the end of the day, only human.

Kim, if you are reading this, I offer some unsolicited advice:

1)   Stop working/making appearances. I understand that you are about your money, girl. But you are now legitimately over-exposed. Take a cue from the Sex and the City movie and escape with your closest girls to a paparazzi free location and grieve. Grieve, process, and repeat.

2)   Stop talking to the cameras. I understand that you are a reality star but you aren’t filming now. The more you talk, the more people will feel like you owe them an explanation. You don’t. Tell your mama to stop talking to. She isn’t helping the situation.

3)   We just need a break. It will take some time for us to heal, but we’ll be okay. Time apart will be good for us. In time we will be able to work on building a healthy relationship. Once we’re at a better place, we can be friends and we’ll continue to keep up with you.

Okay, I have procrastinated enough and should get back to my job because my reality is that I have rent and student loans to pay.

P.S. I genuinely felt compelled to write a piece that reminded us of Kim’s humanity. If you are interested in reading more takes on Kim and her divorce, I recommend fellow feminist Jennifer L. Pozner’s piece,  “Why Kim Kardashian’s Divorce is Good for America – and Women.”

16 Responses to “Leave Kim Alone!”

  1. Tiffany Reese November 7, 2011 at 10:00 AM #

    I do find it interesting that her 72 day marriage is being used as a way to advocate for the allowance of gay marriage. I’ve seen plenty of facebook posts about how she ruined the sanctity and if she can marry for 72 days then why can’t gay people be allowed to wed. I see what they’re trying to do, but do we really need to use THIS as an example?

    • S. Mandisa Moore November 7, 2011 at 11:43 AM #

      But it does serve as a good example, as straight people have shown time and time again that marriage means what you want it to mean. This also lays bare that not allowing marriage equality has significantly less to do with the sanctity of marriage than it does with social control and the policing of sexuality.

    • araña November 8, 2011 at 10:30 AM #

      I think the attempt here is to point out the hypocrisy of using this so-called “preservation of the sanctity of marriage” to deny same-sex couples marriage rights when straight folks themselves can’t even hold themselves to that standard (Kim K’s 72 day marriage being just among many examples).

  2. Scottie Lowe November 7, 2011 at 10:04 AM #

    Keeping up with the Kardashians is about an empowered woman? I really need to turn in my feminist card. There has never been, in the history of the recorded word, since the first caveman drew a stick figure on a wall, in every form of media known to man, a more blatant, offensive example of out of control, oppressive patriarchy on a generation of young women.

  3. Clara Vaz November 7, 2011 at 10:36 AM #

    Ummm…. did we somehow forget the part where reality shows depict women as money hungry, deceitful sluts who will do anything to find the perfect man, even tear her friend or sister’s hair out? How the only women that are pictured are usually the very thin, very blond, very white, very straight women who’s only goal is to get married? How education is seen as ‘threatening’ (thank you Tyra)?

    Did we forget that this Kardashian marriage is just a culmination of all the marriage reality shows we’ve been force fed, where women are thrust into stranger’s arms, often several at a time, like game show horses, only to be cast off when they just don’t fit the right mould? And that the weddings themselves are glorified product placements, where, in the middle of a recession, it is okay to drop annual salaries on one day?

    If anything, the divorce reminds us of all this crass fakery and shows us that women will always bear the brunt of these shows – unless we decide to change it for ourselves. Sure, congrats to Kim for making the money, but the effects on young women from this constant barrage to be thinner, prettier, wealthier, keener on marriage a man and evil to women to get it are so detrimental that it can’t possibly make up for Kim making a few millions.

    She can take them and do all women a favour by stopping the bullsh–.

    • Taryn November 7, 2011 at 5:38 PM #


  4. Anna Renee November 7, 2011 at 11:32 AM #

    I think Crunkista is bold for admitting that she keeps up with the Kardashians.

    I’ve watched the show myself, tho I didn’t keep up with them. I found the shows to be simplistic and formulaic. I hate that Kim teaches young women how to be slaves – trying to fit into a very narrow definition of beauty.

    In a world were women of all races are overcoming these narrow definitions of womanhood and are accomplishing greatness, it’s sad that white women, who theoretically have the most access to empowerment, would instead stay on the archaic route of whoredom that Kim and her family has. It’s past time for Kim Kardashian to completely disengage from the pole and run her businesses like the diva she wishes she was.

    The Kardashian women are some of the most fearful, unempowered rich women I’ve ever seen.

  5. Robyn November 7, 2011 at 11:59 AM #

    I like the Kardashians, the love that family exudes for one another is very healthy and fun to watch. They are human and I think people like to project their issues onto them. Kim got caught up but it could happen to anyone. I agree she needs to step back.

  6. natasiarose November 7, 2011 at 3:03 PM #

    No. I want Kim Kardashian to leave ME alone. I don’t watch her show, I don’t buy magazines with her face on it, I don’t read TMZ. I try to avoid this whole family and yet they are EVERYWHERE. It’s really not fair…to ME. Forget Kim, she can cry into her millions and millions of dollars.

    • j! December 15, 2011 at 4:15 PM #


  7. Portia November 7, 2011 at 9:14 PM #

    What I have learned from Kim Kardashian’s marriage is this: it is important to be honest with yourself and the person that you are with. Sometimes we have to step back and take a big breather before we jump into something that we are going to later regret. I have been there. I got engaged at 20 to a man that I thought I could spend the rest of my life with. I got caught up with the wedding and happy ever after. But when I thought about about marrying this man I realized that I didn’t really love him that way. We were in different worlds, so I broke it off. I don’t regret my decision to break it off. It wouldn’t be fair to stay in a relationship that was loveless because I would be disrespecting myself.

  8. distance88 November 8, 2011 at 12:22 PM #

    “She is, at the end of the day, only human.”

    I’m just wondering what sorts of behavior this “argument” doesn’t excuse? Being a human is a pretty low bar and almost impossible NOT to hurdle…

  9. DasIchChick November 9, 2011 at 1:51 AM #

    I’ve never following any of the Kardashians in any form, but unfortunately can’t avoid her because she’s all over the media. My outsider’s take strongly disagrees with yours with the exception of one key point: she’s a businesswoman. And that’s actually why I think the fact that she got married was absolutely despicable. It was cruel to her husband and it was disrespectful to the institution of marriage. I don’t know if Kim truly was ever in love with her husband or if she was just in love with the idea of being married and all the glam and attention she got with it… and the MONEY. Being a business woman, her marriage netted her a nice windfall and I honestly have trouble seeing her as a person with actual emotions who cares more about anything other than making more money. She didn’t know the guy (Kris?) for very long but I suppose he “fit the role” enough and bam! marriage. I think he honestly loved her and call me cynical, but I don’t know if it was really reciprocated. Especially due to the way he found out about the divorce and the fact that she was so quick to leap to the divorce without actually, I don’t know… TALKING with him and trying therapy, taking a break, anything other than “well that was a fun ride, and now I’m tired of it and done.” That tells me right there she never actually committed to him with her spirit as you are supposed to do in marriage. This whole ordeal has actually turned me into completely apathetic to her existence to a strong dislike of her character.

  10. lala November 9, 2011 at 6:46 AM #

    I don’t know where “patriarchy” fits in a discussion of Kim K but I do know she is winning. I used to watch her show but now I find her just an annoying self absorbed narcissist. I kind of like Khole actually.

  11. athenia45 November 12, 2011 at 10:36 PM #

    I’m all for guilty pleasures when it comes to TV viewing, but…..

    1) Sometimes love is not enough
    ~~But we’re they really in love with each other? Her life is her product.

    2) Marriage does not equal happily ever after
    –See number #5

    3) Expensive weddings (that other people pay for to promote their products) do not equal happily ever after

    4) It is never healthy to have too many people in your business
    –which can be a problem when your life is your business.

    5) “Mo’ money, mo’ problems”
    Well said!


  1. GLG Weekly Round-Up « girls like giants - November 12, 2011

    […] A nicer take on the Kim/Kris break-up: https://crunkfeministcollective.wordpress.com/2011/11/07/leave-kim-alone/ […]

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